There’s been a handful of moments throughout my walk with God where I’ve felt like I was lacking direction. The door to one season would close, and I would be left staring blankly ahead, not sure which way to walk, not sure which door to knock on next. I feel like we all experience those moments of uncertainty. Maybe we don’t hear God clearly about what He wants from us moving forward, or maybe He opens a door for us that we least expected, or for some of us, a door is opened that don’t even want opened. But it’s in those moments where we have to trust Him. These are the moments where we take those baby steps in faith, and in obedience. More often than not, God knows what we need before we do ourselves. And then after the fact, we find ourselves looking back and being amazed at all God has done, all He has spoken, simply because we said “yes.”
For me, this was my experience with the School of Worship.
I was at that point of staring blankly into the future, wondering what was next for me in my YWAM walk. And that was when the idea was presented to me of doing the school. Worship is my heart, and I know it’s something I was to pursue further in my life. Though I’m still figuring out exactly what that looks like, I figured the school would be a good place to start that journey and along the way, further my skills and deepen my knowledge.
Little did I know how much I would “need” the school, how much God would use it to speak to me, and how it would be my refuge through what was about to become a very broken season in my life. God was walking ahead of me. He was preparing the way for me to be wrecked and to grow, to be changed, and challenged in my heart and in my mind throughout the journey of this school.
And what a journey it was.
I didn’t realize a secondary school could impact my life just as much as a DTS had, if not more, in some areas. God moved weekly through the different teachers that came to pour into us. Each topic was unique and God continued to speak into the areas in my life where I needed to grow, or needed something to be awakened. There was something special about the teachers that came throughout the school. Each of them were so in-tune with the Lord and it was amazing to see each of their giftings being used to impact our lives, and it wasn’t just during class time. They spent their meal times with us, they attended our open-mic nights, they came to our workshops to teach us more practical skills. Every week there was something God wanted to hit on personally for me, but also for the other students involved. We were challenged in our knowledge, in our faith, and in our practical skills.
During this school I learned so much more about the heart of worship and all the different elements encompassed in leading worship than I have leading worship and being part of music ministries during my entire Christian walk. I grew in confidence, and was truly able to get my heart in line with worship and wrestle with God about what worship truly looked like and how, through my personal worship and quiet times with Him, I could grow as a worship leader leading a whole community.
To be honest it wasn’t always easy and there were moments I wanted to quit, but it was definitely worth it. Half way through the school, I was ready to leave and be done with YWAM. But God spoke to me and told me I needed to stay. I remember feeling so far from Him at that point, so to hear His voice after being somewhat in the “desert,” I knew I had to listen and obey. He asked me to stay, and write a song for my people, for New Zealand. I argued and wrestled with Him about it. There was no part of me that wanted to do that. I was struggling with doubt and comparison and I didn’t think I had it in me to write a song for something as big as that. But there was something in the process of surrendering in that battle, where God came alongside me and gave me the lyrics and the melody. I found myself sitting at the piano writing an anthem of sorts for my country. I didn’t enjoy the process of song writing up to that point. But I knew that this song had something special about it, because I’d allowed God into that process and had written it with Him. I had allowed Him to give me His heart for my nation and to write, and then sing it out for my people. I was so challenged, but to then see how it had already started making waves in New Zealand before it was even released, I knew that God was doing something. I knew that God was honoring my decision to say yes and stay in the school to complete what He wanted to do in me and through me. He knows us so much better than we know ourselves. He knows what we need, and He knows our capabilities, and it’s incredible to see how He helps us harness all these things when we are willing to surrender our own desires and follow His.
I learned this lesson over and over again during the School of Worship, and each time I surrendered to Him, there was something so beautiful that came out of it. A renewed heart, a joyful spirit, a closer relationship with my Father, and something I’m most proud of: Kia Kaha. My song, God’s heart for my people.
I left this school a completely different person than I started, in the best way.
Healed. Whole. Changed. Challenged. With a fresh view of God and worship. And really, that’s all I could have asked for.
Want to check out our Torch: School of Worship album on Spotify? Click HERE.
Interested in doing the School of Worship? For more information about The Torch: School of Worship click HERE.
Kristy Lagarto, our author is staff with YWAM San Diego/ Baja at our Ensenada campus.